Sometimes, ask your spouse these questions with an open non-judgmental mind without being defensive. And listen. Not to respond or find faults but listen with a mind that wants to do better.
“How can I make my relationship with you better?”
“Is there anything I can do to improve our relationship at my end?”
“Do I make you happy?”
“Am I holding my end of the relationship well?”
“Is there something I am doing that you’d like me to stop?”
Don’t just assume. Ask. You may be surprised at the answers. Sometimes, life gets to us and we forget the most important people in our life and complacency enters the equation. We then start to take our relationships for granted. Before you know it, you’re losing each other gradually and becoming flatmates in the relationship.
Humans amaze me. We are “god whenning” for other people’s relationships and we refuse to put in the work in the one staring at us so that we can get to the level we desire in our relationship. We extend kindness to those outside but don’t do the same to those close to us because we just assume they should understand. We are quick to apologize to our bosses when we err but keep malice for weeks with our spouses.
Someone asked a question on social media that I stumbled on. “On a scale of 1-10, how easy is it for you to apologize to your spouse?” I was flabbergasted at the responses (Note that I only use big grammar when I’m shocked ). “1, 2, 3, 4,” “Ha, it’s hard o, I can’t lie.” “I find it so difficult to apologize.” I was truly surprised. Your spouse? If you have erred or you could have done better, why can’t you apologize to one of the most important, if not the most important person in your life? Why should it be hard? What are you using the useless egos for? Egos have killed more relationships than we care to admit.
We are indeed a special breed.
That relationship that you’re “god whenning” for, did not happen in a day. NOTHING good comes easy without putting effort, in form of consistency, commitment and dedication. And one of the key ingredients of a good relationship is a heart of forgiveness.
Drop the egos. A good relationship can always be better. And there’s always room for improvement in anything in life. Even in relationships that are doing well.
P.S….This advice is not for the older generation o. Awon daddy wa and mummy wa. Mi tobe kin ma advice yin sir/ma. Kilomode mo? Edakun, orikunle nimowa. Or people that marriage/relationships are all for show. I’m talking to people that really and truly want a great relationship.